From Zero To Drama in 0.01 Seconds

Screen-capped a Twitter exchange from previous night.  Hope it is readable.  This is, to the best of my recollection the one and only interaction I have ever had with this person on any media.  I probably will later go to Twitter and reply but this is where the whole thing stands now.ScreenshotforblogThe person posted in a quiet and reasonable manner that we should call the man who has the legal name of Bruce Jenner Caitlyn Jenner (don’t know if he has legally changed his name or not).  “She wants to be called Caitlyn because she is Caitlyn.  Call her Caitlyn.”

I am used to stage names and people changing their names via marriage and legal means.  So, yes, it is reasonable to call somebody by the name they “go by” as long as they are not doing it to evade authorities for criminal activity.

What I cannot do is accept that a man can change into a woman simply by declaring it so.  This has nothing to do with how I feel about a particular transgender person or transgender issues in general.  This is a simple matter of biological fact and I have no interest in humoring the delusions of men.  The main reason I care about this issue is not from any good or bad intentions towards transgender people, it is that I can see how women will be furthered oppressed in a society that says we MUST believe any man is a woman whenever and where ever he says so.

Allowing men who claim to be women into women’s spaces gives woman-haters (who most likely are NOT going to be true transgender people) to have greater access to women for longer periods of time.  Telling women that we have no say in who we want to associate with is misogyny pure and simple.

So, that was the basis for my reply to the original tweet.  “I can call him Caitlyn if he wants me to, people can change their names.  He is still a man, man named Caitlyn.”   I thought this was a pretty clear and calm exchange between two strangers.  We each have our opinions and ways of looking at this issue.

Oh well, this was Twitter, after all, LOL.  What this person decided to glean from my response is the third tweet above “thank you for declaring that you are ignorant, uncompassionate (sic), brainwashed by norms and insecure about your sexuality.”

Yep, from zero to drama in 0.01 seconds.  I understand that over-the-top verbal bullying to try and silence women is pretty much the defining tactic of men who hate women and their handmaidens also practice it.  The odd thing is that they just don’t seem to understand how silly they look.  Stomping and wailing and throwing out the personal insults and slurs.  Is this really something they think is going to work against radical feminists or do they just hope to keep the libfems docile by showing what will be said about them the moment they ever disagree with their masters?

To expand on a tweet I made recently, it is clear why men who hate women (even if those men who claim to be women) and their handmaidens hate radfems so much.  We are the women who cannot be bought off, we cannot be bullied, we cannot be negged (look it up), we cannot be fooled, and we cannot be silenced.  So, knock yourself out with the super drama, we radfems just shrug it off, have a laugh and continue fighting the good fight for women.

The Real Problem With What Huckabee Said

OK, Huckabee and his latest nonsense about a creepy man laughing about how if trans activism had succeeded when he was in high school he would have been able to perv more on the women by saying “Coach, I think I’d rather shower with the girls today.”

Yes, Huckabee is a nasty vile toothache of a man, that is true.  But like a broken clock is correct twice every 24 hours, Huckabee makes a correct statement here.

Trans activists push the idea that any man, at any time can simply declare himself a woman and we HAVE to believe him.  He can be wearing what reads as ordinary men’s clothing.  He does not need to have had any hormonal treatment.  He does not need to have had any surgeries.  He may have declared himself a man ten seconds ago.  He may have a history of rape convictions.  He may decide to be a man again in twenty minutes.  He certainly does not have to registered in any type of therapy program.

So, yes, men will be even more free to perv on women if a subset of trans activists have their way.  Counter arguments?

1.  No man needs to go into a women’s locker room to see naked women!  So tired of dealing with this one but here we go again.  The men who perv on women get off on the violation of women.  They love that they can do things like rape and then get away with it.  The trans activists will just give men more time in more areas to abuse women in,

2.  Trans people are not abusers.  Some are and some are not.  The point is that we cannot tell the difference and so women just have more potential abusers in more spaces to be even more constantly vigilant about.

3.  A non-trans person won’t go thru the abuse trans people suffer just to abuse women.  A non-trans person may or may not be willing to do anything to to get to have more time and space to attack more women.  And the whole stinking point of what Huckabee was laughing about is that a non-trans person only has to claim to be trans for the amount of time it is convenient for him.  Yes, he can go right back to being a “regular guy” once he has had his fun abusing women.

The subset of trans activists pushing this gender identity crap will duck and dodge but they are fine with putting more women in danger to further their goals.  By saying we women HAVE to believe anything at any time because the words tumble out of the mouth of a man or a man claiming to be a woman or a handmaiden libfem, women are once again supposed to accept our abuse.

So, I agree that Huckabee is a horror, but he is 100% correct on what the end result of men claiming to be women will be for women.

The Burdens I Am Refusing To Carry

Not sure why I am writing a blog since I see so many incredible radfems writing articles that just hit the mark with no wasted words and put my writing to shame!  GenderTrender, Mancheeze and Feminist Current are just three of the radfem blogs that have covered stuff that I want to write about so much better than I can hope to.  I guess that some days I just want to let thoughts and fingers fly and hope that I make some sense.  So here I go again.

My avatar on another platform is a horse.  A beast of burden.  Strikes a chord with me because I have often felt like I was the one tasked to carry burdens other family members were free from.  An older brother was expected to go off, support himself (and only himself, if that was his choice) and live his life without being asked to help with child care or elder care or taking care of less fortunate relatives.  An older sister who got involved with a bad man when she was too young and became too wrapped up in the drama of her own life to help anybody else much.

I became the one called upon when somebody needed help.  And looking back on my life, at a time when I have one last family obligation to complete, being asked to bear other people’s burdens limited what I could do with my own life but also forced me to become strong.  Some of the people I helped were grateful and would help me in turn when they could.  I got opportunities in life because of my reputation as the hard worker.  I learned to concentrate my energies on the people who really mattered to me and who I was able to help.

Most importantly, I learned that part of being useful was being willing to be “the bad guy” when nobody else would. [Yes, the bad guy is a sexist trope and I know that but will use because it is an understood bit of cultural reference]  When one person’s behavior was selfish and impeding a more disadvantaged person getting help, I became the person in the family (and in some workplaces) to be the bad guy, the mayor of No-Funnington, the one ordering all competing issues to be dealt with or not as needed.  Now a woman willing to be the bad guy is not always going to be popular but she will get stuff done.

Enough background.  Since getting back into social media, I have noticed all kinds of groups who are happy to tell me what to do, what I have to do, what I must do, to make their lives better.  Endless lists of things I must do and think that benefits them but that may hurt me and the people I actually care about.

So, once again, say hello to the bad guy!  These are some of the burdens I am refusing to carry:

Men, sorry, some of you are really great but I am a woman and a radfem and I look out for my own first.  If you do things that help my cause, fine, but I have no cookies in my saddle-bags. I truly believe that my cause will help men out in the long run and that is all I am going to do for you now.

Trans folks, you have your own journey in life and need to find your own spaces.  I cannot disregard truth to conform to the fantasies of men being women or women being men.  Calling me names or trying to bully me is not going to work.  I have been threatened by men in IRL and that has failed to impress me, either.  So I am shrugging off the burden of trying to validate your beliefs.

Religious folks, you cannot sway me with the good your own religion has done or make me so afraid of other religions that I turn to you for protection. I don’t fear your hell or believe in your afterlife.  You have a right to your beliefs but I have a right to be free from the burden of your beliefs being loaded onto my life.

Libfems, hope you come to your senses some day.  Until then, don’t try to burden me with carrying all the causes of people who do nothing for me and actively harm other women.

Mainstream atheists, just because I don’t believe in deities does not make me one of you and I won’t burden myself with your battles.  I have seen that too many of you are happy to worship the false idols of bad science, misogyny and injustice.

Well, I could probably think of a lot more groups but the point has been beaten to the ground by now, I think.  Say goodnight to the bad guy!  😉

It Must Be Time For The Equal Rights Amendment Since The Bugaboos Have Already Happened

Saw an article today wondering why gay rights are on a roll and women’s rights to abortion and birth control are being gutted. Gay rights have been framed as a human rights issue and since there are gay men, the idea of gays getting equal rights is gaining traction every year.  Makes sense.  Women’s reproductive rights, however, were “found” in Supreme Court Justices view of privacy.  Since only women are losing their “right to privacy” lately, that is OK since men still have their right to privacy.

Just my own opinion here but it seems clear to me that the Justices had to use the “privacy” route to let women control their own lives because back then it would have been way too radical to declare that women are human beings, fully equal to men and deserving of ALL the freedoms and responsibilities of a true citizen.  Even now we have Antonin Scalia making the point that women do not have ANY rights actually written down except for right to vote.  As he said regarding the 14th Amendment not applying to women: “Certainly the Constitution does not require discrimination on the basis of sex. The only issue is whether it prohibits it. It doesn’t.”

The last time the ERA was up for votes, it looked like a sure thing for a few years.  Then Phyllis Schlafly brought her ladies against women schtick into the fray and scared Americans silly by saying that the ERA would see women forced into military service and that women and men would have to use the same restrooms.

Well, here we are in 2015 and the two big bugaboos that the ERA was supposed to cause have happened.

The US military does not want drafted soldiers at all and the draft is not enforced.  Women have volunteered into the military and fought for our country and come home in coffins.  If the draft is ever revived, both sexes should be put on the rolls.  That thing about men and women using the same restrooms?  Well, since some transgender people are men, they are going to get the right to enter women’s spaces, regardless of the increased risk to women.

So I think if must be time for the ERA to have another shot.  I would not bet any money on it passing even now, though. While racism is generally condemned nowadays, sexism is still tolerated and celebrated.  Don’t believe me?  If Clinton does make a run the the presidency, get back to me after 2016 campaign is done and give me a report on the state of sexism in the USA.

Unless we pass the ERA, the only hope for women’s rights in this country will be if 5 Supreme Court Justices get the backbone to declare that reproductive rights are HUMAN rights and then declare that women are human beings.  We could proceed to other issues in getting full equality for women after that.

And that scenario can only happen if we get a Democrat in the White House again and a couple of old woman-hating Justices meet their maker.  While I would be OK with watching old sexists leave the world for good, I would rather have my rights in writing.

Drama as a weapon

Saw another fun Twitter post today by a man wearing make-up.  The gist of it was that TERFs are a “disease” and don’t deserve to be called feminsts.  Are some people incapable of rational cool-minded conversation or are they deliberately using drama as a weapon or is it some of both?

I have an older sister who has always been the “drama queen” of the family.  I hate that term, by the way, because I have met far more men who are “drama queens” than women.  But I use it this once to give readers a sense of the times I grew up in.

So my sister entered high school and quickly found out that being pretty made people willing to put up with a lot of drama.  An older boy took interest in her and then the serious troubles started. Nothing was more important than their Great and Wonderful Romance Like Nobody Else In The Family Has Ever Had Or Could Possibly Understand.  She tossed studies and jobs aside for the sake of this guy.  And, why not?  Studying is boring, living by the rules like other people is boring, planning for life is boring, avoiding troubled people is boring, etc.   DRAMA is fun and if drama is involved, then you don’t have to bother with those stupid people who want facts and drone on about bad decisions and consequences and how your behavior can hurt other people and on and on and boring!

So, drama became the thing my sister lived for and a weapon at the same time.  I learned all about derailing, gas lighting, false accusations, lies, etc. long before the internet was accessible to the masses.  I grew up as witness and hostage to somebody who could not stop and observe the world around her long enough to see that she was born into a rigged game.  I have watched my sister flail through relationships, marriages, abortions, child given up for adoption, children kept and raised poorly, drug use and abuse.  The number of conflicts with other people and the lies told about those people and conflicts astound me to this day.  I have had no contact with my sister for years since I realized that the drama could never stop with her and escape was my only hope.

And so here I am getting back to my radfem roots and seeing that a new type of “drama queen” has arisen.  A subset of trans activist (and their supporters) who cannot deal with anything short of complete agreement and surrender to their demands.  There is no regard for the rights of others because (DRAMA) No People Suffer As Much As We Do and Anybody Who Disagrees Is Bad And Evil!  People citing boring old facts and basic biology are to be (DRAMA) shouted down with slurs and magical thinking.  Using the correct pronouns for people is (DRAMA) unforgivable but calling people by a made-up word (cisgender) is just fine.  This subset of trans activists and their handmaidens constantly act as if they should be the only people that matter and they do seem to thrive on a steady diet of drama.

So, where does that leave a real feminist?  It is easier to give in and let bullies have their way and many libfems have done this, even the ones I suspect don’t believe the lies.   There are many libfems and neolibs who actually believe this-men-are-women-just-by-saying-so nonsense and so they have it easy.  Kool-aid down the hatch, thinking not required.  Real thinking feminists are not able to accept the lies and have to face the drama head on with truth and strength.  I have my own life experience to help me since I have seen how the drama-person fights and have seen the long term toll that love for drama will take on them and everybody around them.

Being able to shrug off drama-person lies, slurs and threats is just a necessary life skill for radfems.  The ability to stay on point and not fall for the endless derailment attempts is needed. Letting drama-people know that they will always be met with the simple facts repeated to their every fantasy will result in them trying to up the drama level with slurs and false accusations.  That is when the discipline to remain calm is the best weapon.  Radfems have to do what we have always done, stand strong and fight for women.

Well, this post took a meandering path to get most of the way I wanted it to go, LOL!  Don’t be dismayed by the seemingly endless parade of DRAMA our opponents use.  If they had facts, logic, science, decency and respect for women on their side, they would not have to bully with all the emotional blackmailing and drama tactics.

 

 

 

 

 

On Pornography (trigger warning – descriptions of porn)

I probably should take longer to think about writing this than I have but I feel like typing.  The funny thing about telling people that I am not now a fan of the pornography industry is that people assume that I am some prude who does not like sex.

Wrong.  I have viewed porn pics many times and have gotten off on it.  I have read and written slash.  At one time I had many porn VHS tapes of both man/woman and man/man variety.  Never was interested in woman/woman in pictures or words.  And I have seen lots of porn online.  I will say that my peak interest in porn was my late teens and early twenties.  The wild hormones, out of parent’s home and free to do whatever years.  Had more than a bit of fun with men.

Here is what happened over time.  I started to look, really look, at the women in the videos and they looked neither happy or healthy.  That got harder to not notice.  The general impression was that these women were not into doing this. Now the “choose my choice” folks are going to pounce and say these women probably chose to do porn but I had to wonder how many and/or what other choices were really available to those women.

As the years went by, other things became apparent.  The pornographers and guys like Hefner and Guccione stayed around for years and got rich.  The women seemed to come from some sad endless supply of people who choices in life seemed very limited.  The sex scenes were man-desire-centered and often featured the woman being treated like crap and called degrading names.  Many of the women did not look over 18.

It all got sad and boring.  Even the male/male porn had the same joyless mechanical by-the-numbers behavior.  Reading about and talking to people who did porn made me realize that this was an ugly and degrading business.  There was no way to continue to fall for the “porn as empowerment for women” crap.  Porn just pushes the destructive “sex is a transaction” ideology.  I have no doubt there are many people in history who had to trade access to their bodies for survival but to say that is OK is not something I can force myself to believe.

The “transaction sex” ideology also supports the idea that all women are prostitutes. The MRAs will tell you that some women do it for a drink and others do it for a house but they are all for sale.  And where does the idea that women in marriage cannot refuse sex or any particular sex acts come from?  The marriage was a transaction and women have to pay the price for the “benefits” of being married, whether those “benefits” are ever provided or not.

So I stopped supporting the porn industries.  Now the folks who will talk about all the wonderful, woman-positive, woman-produced porn out there will be weighing in.  Maybe that type of porn exists but it would be such a tiny part of the porn available that it becomes a non-issue for me.

Maybe a perfect society in which women have gotten complete freedom and access to ALL the choices would be able to produce non-degrading porn.  Maybe that same perfect society would also allow for people to sell sexual behavior to others without harm to themselves or others.  But that is some possible future and we live in the present.  Maybe porn and prostitution are things that cannot be made harmless and empowering when the culture they both exist to serve is such a mess of inequality and injustice.

On self defense and Standing Your Ground (Trigger warning – guns and break in)

Have been tweeting about my long term disgust that Stand Your Ground laws only seem to work for men who defend themselves (or claim to have been defending themselves), not so much for women.  And that lout George Zimmerman being back in the news made me take a trip down memory lane.

I was out of high school and living in my first apartment.  Had a room-mate who brought guys over for the night often and rarely let me know ahead of time.  So it was not unusual for me to wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of a man’s voice.  Well, with room-mates you have to be cool, so I got used to this.  The thing that would piss me off the most was that some of these guys thought the fun times included going to our frig and eating my food.  Since room-mate would not do anything about that, I ended up slapping locks on the frig doors.  I could not afford to replace food all the time.

One night a fellow took a wrong turn after using the bathroom and opened the door to my room and started getting into the bed.  I woke up as the door opened, grabbed my revolver, pointed it at him and started yelling “get out get out get out now” and he did.  He really had made an honest mistake and I am glad I did not shoot him.  He was glad I did not shoot him.

The thing is, if he had been a criminal ready for trouble, he might well have gotten the gun away from me.  So in a split second, little old me had to hold back from firing in the hope that he would get out, regardless of his intentions originally. Room-mate and I lost the apartment months later when she developed health issues and I never went for having a non-relation room-mate again.

That was not my only fun incident in that first apartment.  Weeks later, room-mate was gone and I had lent my revolver to a friend to practice her shooting.  So, I was home alone.  Well, somebody with a pretty good size shadow suddenly came up on the porch and start trying to wrench the sliding glass doors open.  Going out the door or a window was not an option because the layout of the apartment had no escape that was not on the same side as the sliding glass doors.

Scampered to the kitchen, grabbed a big old knife and got on the phone with 911.  I did not want to yell anything and let this guy know it was just a gal alone (if he did not know that already).  911 operator was great and she told me to stay on line if I could not escape and officers were on the way.  So, I stood with my knife watching the door behind the curtains rattle back and forth and starting to give way.

Here is the next thing I told the 911 operator:

“This guy is still trying to get in and if he breaks the door and comes in here, I am going to run over and kill him”

Notice the words I bold-faced in that sentence.  As knee-shaking terrified as I was, the “rules” of self defense I had been taught still held.  As long as the threat is outside, wait for help or try to escape.  Only try to self defend with force when you have no other option and then only if you are willing to kill.  End of story was that police drove up and guy ran and he was never caught.

And so, dear readers, those are two of the experiences that would help me develop my contempt for most of the men, bigger and stronger than me, who I have seen in news claiming they had no choice but to shoot to kill even if they could just drive away or stay in the car, or let the person banging on the screen door bang away as long as that person was still outside, etc.